I wrote “sleep” on the list without turning it into a fertility cure
When I noticed I was sleeping five or six hours, I immediately found articles connecting sleep to almost everything. By the end of the evening, bedtime felt like another performanc
Trying to conceive
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I brought the gaps in my cycle record with me
My cycles ranged from 32 to 60 days. Search results repeatedly mentioned PCOS and thyroid conditions, and I began reading my record as if one of those labels must already be hidden
I declined the cleanse without calling my aunt foolish
My aunt arrived with herbs wrapped in paper and instructions for a cleanse. She had carried them across Lagos because she cared about me. I did not want to take them. I also did no
At 2:14am, I moved the symptom list out of reach
The time at the top of my phone said 2:14. I had searched the same symptom three ways and was now reading a discussion from years ago. My eyes hurt. I knew the searching was making
I stopped using work to prove I was coping
During the waiting weeks, I answered work messages quickly because responsiveness made me look normal. Then I spent breaks searching and returned to my desk unable to remember what