We changed “my cycle appointment” to “our question list”
For six months, every conversation about trying began with my cycle. I tracked, read and prepared questions while my partner waited to be told what I had learned. When someone said
Trying to conceive
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The search I did not finish at one in the morning
At 1am, I was holding my phone close to my face and searching whether one app entry counted as an ovulation symptom. I had logged temperature and cervical mucus because people said
I closed the countdown tab before my appointment
I searched for information about trying in my late thirties and immediately found a page written like a timer. By the third paragraph I was no longer learning; I was measuring my l
I removed “trimester zero” from the top of my list
The phrase “trimester zero” kept appearing in advertisements and preparation posts. I wrote it at the top of a document, then found myself treating the months before pregnancy as a
Our shift calendar stopped telling us whether we were doing enough
My partner and I both work shifts. We began using a shared calendar to find time together, but soon every overlapping evening seemed to carry an assignment. If work changed at shor
I made a list called “words I can ask about later”
I was on the sofa with six browser tabs open when I reached a paragraph containing three terms I did not understand. I searched the first, found five more, and closed everything. M
I took my own questions out of the family advice
By the time my preconception appointment appeared on the calendar, my phone held advice from my mum, two aunties and a family group chat. There were foods to eat, foods to avoid, s
I photographed the supplement labels before seeing my GP
My feed made supplements look like a starter kit: prenatal vitamins, CoQ10, fish oil, powders and products with reassuring names. I had started a prenatal but could not tell where
The evening I stopped comparing the two apps
There were two predictions on my phone and they disagreed. I had been off contraception for about four months, and I was standing in the kitchen trying to decide which coloured cir